Persecutors love the power of moving people around on the chess board of life. Do you minimize your problems in relationships & avoid addressing them?.Is it easy for you to hang onto false hopes & ignore your own suspicious inner voice?.Do you allow others to suffocate your own spirit or creativity?.Are you easily taken in by others, perhaps a bit sappy?.Do you apologize so often it’s become a habit?.Are your relationships follow a lopsided pattern where you do too much catering to the other person?.Are you an extreme caretaker who does not take care of yourself?.Do you end up feeling lost in relationships?.Do you feel appreciated in your own life or are you hungry?.Are you able to say NO, and to set limits & boundaries?.Are you too committed to pleasing others?.Would you be convinced to leave your friends behind ending up isolated?.Do you believe the lyrics of the old Dean Martin Song You’re Nobody Until Somebody Loves You? So you end up feeling bad about being single.Is it easier for you to stay silent instead of asking for what you want?.One key to interupting this pattern would be to relocate your imagination, to find other ways of conducting your life.Ģ0 Questions to Determine Whether or Not You Set Yourself Up to be a Victim in the Game of Manipulation If you’ve been loving the victim role over many years it is time to face the truth – it is a boring way of life. Finding the bravery to look at your own part in creating problems can change and transform your life. “I did this part and you did this part” etc. Noise simply creates smoke and mirrors, and it is less likely that an honest reality is being addressed, because it’s really all about the manipulation.Įlegant truth is generally never “I am good/You are bad,” it is usually a more complicated frame of reference. The more blaming and finger pointing someone does, the more fragile the point of view. Blame may be distributed 60/40 or 70/30, however it always takes two. Remember an unhappy relationship is always created by two people. Victims are always trying to remain blameless. After the age of 18, love me no matter what should be hard to come by. Being loved no matter what is not something two honest adults should expect from each other. Victims can be very manipulative, particularly if they are operating on a “love me no matter what” basis. Rescuers in the Game of Manipulation Who Allow Themselves to be Manipulated & Enable Others People generally favor one or two roles in the game of manipulation. The game provides people with their identity as Victim, Rescuer or Persecutor. It has become a lifestyle for too many people. This game of manipulation is what operates in many relationships. Then the Jury stepped in to play the rescuer. One way to look at what O.J.’s attorneys did is that they were experts in manipulation and flipped him from the Persecutor role to the Victim role. He was accused of being the Persecutor and Nicole was the Victim. Enter Ken Starr to play Persecutor in his own over-the-top style.Īnother example could be O.J. The beauty of this game of manipulation is that roles can be switched to enhance the drama.įor example, Bill could rescue Monica by finding her attractive, while Monica feels like a victim because she’s a chubby girl no one would ever love. Monica enters the White House, ripe for the role of Rescuer to Victim Bill. Perhaps Hillary was persecuting him through emotional distance because she lost the national health care bill and was licking her wounds after the Arkansas State Troopers reported Bill’s philandering. Here’s how it works: Let’s suppose Bill was emotionally dependent (as the victim role requires) on Hillary to feel good about himself. This game could be used to describe Bill, Hillary, Monica, and Ken. It is at the core of all the repetitious plots of soap operas. Playing Victim, Rescuer has become a powerful cultural pastime in manipulation. (Read more about this on the Reasons for Divorce page of this website.) It creates confusion and upset, not solutions. Manipulators love drama as a source of power. People are seduced by the false excitement the drama offers. Good guy/Bad guy split thinking is integral to drama & manipulation. The game provides identity and fills emptiness, because two people can jump around in all three roles to fuel the drama of manipulation. Maintaining bad boundaries is part of manipulation.Ħ. Patterns of the game prevent any real problem solving because the drama rules.ĥ. The players lack empathy, are very self absorbed in their own role of the moment.Ĥ. Instead it’s all about creating conflict & stirring it up in others.ģ. There is a lack of internal conflict within the individual. Manipulation means never take ownership, always blame.Ģ. The Purpose of The Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor Game of Manipulationġ. Original Source © 1968 by the Transactional Analysis Bulletin.
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